What really happened in The Lord of the Rings.
by Mascatarma
Summary: What I think happened with the One Ring, not a Mary-Sue, Please read and review coz that will make me happy!
1. Chapter I - Bad birthday presents.

OOC:I don't own the LOTR characters as my name is not Tolkien and I am not male.However I did come up with all the ideas for the changes in this story, so there. :)  
  
  
CHAPTER I : BAD BIRTHDAY PRESENTS.  
  
It was Frodo Baggins birthday. The young Hobbit waited anxiously for his present. After a while, his Uncle Bilbo toddled out from the bedroom holding a small package neatly wrapped in pink paper.  
" There you go, my boy. I hope you like it!" Bilbo handed over the parcel with great care. Frodo stared down at the present placed in his hands; it was very small and shaped almost like a pen. 'Size isn't everything, right?' Frodo thought to himself as he frantically tore away the paper. After he had removed the wrapping Frodo found a small tube in his hands, he lifted it up to read the label,  
FOOT HAIR REMOVER.  
  
Frodo's eyes widened with disgust, what sort of foul joke was this? Bilbo knew that Frodo treasured his foot hair and kept it silky soft.  
"It's in fashion with the Elves." explained Bilbo as he witnessed Frodo's face turn slightly green.  
"Thank you, Bilbo, it's erm, nice." Frodo lied. But as Bilbo talked Frodo spotted the shiny golden ring hanging from his neck on a chain. 'Now that's a birthday present!' Frodo thought as he eyed the ring admiringly.Frodo wanted that ring more than anything else right now, even if he would have to steal it.As Bilbo spoke some more about giant roosters and green clouds, Frodo came up with a brilliant plan; Frodo knew that Bilbo had a crush on Sam, the gardener.  
  
That night Bilbo was getting ready to go to bed, he put the Ring on the beside table and began to get into bed, suddenly there was a cry from Frodo,  
"Bilbo, Bilbo, look! Sam has fallen into a hole, with his behind waving in the air!"   
Within a second Bilbo had ran outside and stood, watching Sam struggle helplessly in the hole Frodo had pushed him in.Meanwhile Frodo took the Ring and hid it in his pocket, then came outside and helped Sam out of the hole.Bilbo was most disappointed. 


	2. Chapter II - Of fireworks and Stalkers.

CHAPTER II - OF FIREWORKS AND STALKERS.  
  
Merry and Pippin strolled through the Shire, it was a cool night and the air was filled with the sweet song of the nightingale.They wandered down to the place were Frodo's birthday party had taken place and there they saw a small crate of fireworks.  
"I wonder! Why didn't we light these at the party?" Pippin asked thoughtfully.  
"We should take one! Then we could get rid of Sam once and for all!" Merry said, an evil undertone in his voice.  
"Yeah, he should know by now that Frodo is OUR boyfriend!." Pippin replied enthusiastically.  
"Then we should put one of these in his pack!When he puts it on KABOOM! No more Sam!" Merry fell to the floor in laughter.  
  
Frodo grabbed the sleeve of Sam's jacket and pulled him around the side of the Hobbit-hole.Sam, thinking his master wanted an intimate moment, pushed up against Frodo and got slapped.  
"You fool!" hissed Frodo. "We have to get out of here as quick as possible, shush, I've taken his ring!" Frodo dangled the One Ring before Sam's eyes. "You are getting sleepy....Ugh!Sorry couldn't resist!Will you come with me to Rivendell to hide?"  
Sam looked at his masters hopeful face, through loyalty he would follow Frodo to the ends of the Earth.Maybe he would get a chance to nick the Ring anyway.  
"Yes Mr. Frodo!I'll come with you!"  
The two hobbits set about getting their packs ready, filling them with food, rope and the kitchen sink.They left their packs outside to go to the loo one last time before their journey.  
  
Merry and Pippin crept into the garden, seeing the packs left outside they quickly snook a fire work into the pack that looked liked Sam's, Frodo wouldn't carry a kitchen sink right?They hid around the corner sniggering as Sam and Frodo went to collect their packs and to their horror, they found they had put the fire work in Frodo's pack.  
"When that fire work explodes in an hour, Frodo will be one hurt Hobbit!" exclaimed Merry.  
"Dude, how did you get it so the fire work would explode in an hour?" asked Pippin, absentmindedly eating a tulip.  
"I used a timer." answered Merry.  
"But they don't exist." said Pippin.  
"Shut up" Merry smacked Pippin in the nose.  
Merry and Pippin decided they would have to follow Frodo and Sam, it would be good practice stalking anyway. 


	3. Chapter III - Crispy Riders.

CHAPTER III : CRISPY RIDERS.  
  
Frodo and Sam walked along a narrow path, surrounded by tall trees at both sides; it was autumn and the leaves were a golden brown. Unbeknown to them they were closely followed by Merry and Pippin. It had almost been an hour since they had departed from the Shire and the two stalkers grew agitated.  
"What are we going to do Merry? We can't tell them we planned to murder Sam!" panicked Pippin.  
"I have no idea Pip!" Merry began to run around like a headless chicken.  
  
"There is some strange wildlife around here, Sam." Frodo commented as a headless chicken ran past. Maybe it was just his imagination, he was very tired, after all he had done nearly a whole hour of walking and his back seemed to be getting strangely hot. "Sam, we must rest, if I didn't know better I'd say someone had put a fire work in my pack!"exclaimed Frodo as he came to a halt.Suddenly the headless chicken jumped on top of Frodo, making strange noises.   
"Ahhhhh, Mr Frodo!I've waited years to get in this position, I mean er, watch out!" the strange creature pulled Frodo's pack off and threw it into nearby bushes.Frodo sat up, dazed, "Is, is that you Merry?" but he didn't have time to finish off his sentence for a large BOOM was heard as the fire work exploded in the bushes, to reveal nine very crispy looking riders.  
"Oh brilliant, I've just had this cleaned!" one rider moaned, fingering a black sooty mark on his cloak.  
"This isn't fair!" squealed another as he burst into tears.  
Suddenly a mysterious ringing is heard, it's high pitched tune sounding somewhat like 'Barbie Girl.' The riders look around and finally the largest rider pulls out a cell phone. "Eh, hello?"  
"Good day, this is Sauron." a spooky voice answered.  
"Do I know you?"  
"No, not really.But seeing that these hobbits ruined you cloaks and made you all crispy, would you like to be my evil minions and rule Middle-Earth with me?"came the voice again, the fried rider thought for a moment.  
"Yeah, sure. Do we get a dental plan?" 


End file.
